Nice Mommy~Evil Editor

Painting sucks. Let me say it again. Painting sucks. I think the fumes are affecting my brain In case you’re wondering, we’re painting the interior of our new house. The ENTIRE interior. The only thing not getting repainted is the ceilings. And we are doing the kitchen ceiling in this cool fresco/copper technique but that’s another story. I’ve heard a lot of radio during the days we’ve been painting. The other day, this song by Heart came on the radio. If you’re at all an 80′s fan, you’ve heard this song and probably love it like I do. But suddenly, the paint fumes, as I said, twisted my brain, and I started really thinking about what the song is saying…

ALL I WANNA DO IS MAKE LOVE TO YOU
Sung by Heart
Written by Robert John “Mutt” Lange

It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat

Okay, so it’s dark outside, presumably a little chilly, and this bright bulb has no protection against the elements?

So I pulled up along side and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while

And this woman, driving by herself, picks up a hitchhiker. Good idea. (and later in the song we find that our two geniuses have procreated. The mind shudders.)

I didn’t ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain

Yeah, I wouldn’t want to know the name of my potential murderer either.

Fate tell me it’s right, is this love at first sight

Love? For all you know this guy has his mother’s head buried in his backyard and you think you might be in love with him? Puh-lease.

Please don’t make it wrong, just stay for the night

Wait, wait! I thought she might be in love with him and now she only wants him for one night? Man, she’s fickle.

All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will you want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
I’ve got lovin’ arms to hold on to

I guess it’s nicer than saying she wants to f**k

So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well

I’m thinking she must be a hooker if she knows this hotel so well(maybe she shoulda called it a motel instead). Either that or she just cruises the strip pickin’ up hitchhikers every night and gettin’ her jollies on.

We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right>

He cleaned the house, mowed the lawn, and gave her a footrub??

He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily

Muahahahaha…so many comments, all uncouth. I’m going to keep them to myself.

And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note

Thanks for the f**k. For a good time call…

I told him I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden we planted a tree

Yeah, umm… what?

If this is some hippy way of saying you’re pregnant, isn’t it a little soon to be making that announcement?

Don’t try to find me, please don’t you dare

Dude. Why would he want to? It sounds like he did all the work. And then you didn’t even leave money. You left a note written in some vague, botanical terms. He’s probably thanking God that he didn’t have to do the uncomfortable morning after routine with you.

Just live in my memory, you’ll always be there

Whatever you sleazy ho, you don’t even know his name. He’s just one in a long line.

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All wanna do is make love to you
I’ve got lovin’ arms to hold on to

Yeah, yeah, we got that part. Next.

Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers
All night long
We made love

Translation: We f**ked like bunnies and I prayed the whole time that he didn’t notice my ass fat jiggling.

Then it happened one day, we came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes

Oh damn. It’s a secret baby story.

I said please, please understand
I’m in love with another man

What??! What happened to the love at first sight she mentioned earlier? And if she’s so in love with some other guy, what’s she doing playing hide the salami with this one?

And what he couldn’t give me
was the one little thing that you can

Oh? It was little? Whatever happened to not kissing and telling? Talk about a blow to this guy’s ego..

Oh wait- she means a kid.

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Come on, say you will, you want me too

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too

All night long …

Bunnies. Bunnies. Bunnies. Boink. Boink. Boink.