Painting sucks. Let me say it again. Painting sucks. I think the fumes are affecting my brain 
In case you’re wondering, we’re painting the interior of our new house. The ENTIRE interior. The only thing not getting repainted is the ceilings. And we are doing the kitchen ceiling in this cool fresco/copper technique but that’s another story. I’ve heard a lot of radio during the days we’ve been painting. The other day, this song by Heart came on the radio. If you’re at all an 80′s fan, you’ve heard this song and probably love it like I do. But suddenly, the paint fumes, as I said, twisted my brain, and I started really thinking about what the song is saying…
ALL I WANNA DO IS MAKE LOVE TO YOU
Sung by Heart
Written by Robert John “Mutt” Lange
It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
Okay, so it’s dark outside, presumably a little chilly, and this bright bulb has no protection against the elements?
So I pulled up along side and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while
And this woman, driving by herself, picks up a hitchhiker. Good idea. (and later in the song we find that our two geniuses have procreated. The mind shudders.)
I didn’t ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain
Yeah, I wouldn’t want to know the name of my potential murderer either.
Fate tell me it’s right, is this love at first sight
Love? For all you know this guy has his mother’s head buried in his backyard and you think you might be in love with him? Puh-lease.
Please don’t make it wrong, just stay for the night
Wait, wait! I thought she might be in love with him and now she only wants him for one night? Man, she’s fickle.
All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will you want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
I’ve got lovin’ arms to hold on to
I guess it’s nicer than saying she wants to f**k
So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well
I’m thinking she must be a hooker if she knows this hotel so well(maybe she shoulda called it a motel instead). Either that or she just cruises the strip pickin’ up hitchhikers every night and gettin’ her jollies on.
We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right>
He cleaned the house, mowed the lawn, and gave her a footrub??
He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily
Muahahahaha…so many comments, all uncouth. I’m going to keep them to myself.
And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note
Thanks for the f**k. For a good time call…
I told him I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden we planted a tree
Yeah, umm… what?
If this is some hippy way of saying you’re pregnant, isn’t it a little soon to be making that announcement?
Don’t try to find me, please don’t you dare
Dude. Why would he want to? It sounds like he did all the work. And then you didn’t even leave money. You left a note written in some vague, botanical terms. He’s probably thanking God that he didn’t have to do the uncomfortable morning after routine with you.
Just live in my memory, you’ll always be there
Whatever you sleazy ho, you don’t even know his name. He’s just one in a long line.
All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All wanna do is make love to you
I’ve got lovin’ arms to hold on to
Yeah, yeah, we got that part. Next.
Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers
All night long
We made love
Translation: We f**ked like bunnies and I prayed the whole time that he didn’t notice my ass fat jiggling.
Then it happened one day, we came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes
Oh damn. It’s a secret baby story.
I said please, please understand
I’m in love with another man
What??! What happened to the love at first sight she mentioned earlier? And if she’s so in love with some other guy, what’s she doing playing hide the salami with this one?
And what he couldn’t give me
was the one little thing that you can
Oh? It was little? Whatever happened to not kissing and telling? Talk about a blow to this guy’s ego..
Oh wait- she means a kid.
All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Come on, say you will, you want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too
All night long …
Bunnies. Bunnies. Bunnies. Boink. Boink. Boink.
OMG dude – I’m literally pissing myself. Do you know what the really sad thing is? I know that song off by heart lol.
brilliant Ms. Angie…and I love the new blog colours BTW
This song was a fave of mine too… I never thought about the lyrics, that was pretty funny and you’ve got me snickering all over the place just thinking about it.
Great stuff!
That has to be the funniest analysis I’ve ever read. LOL! Now the question is, what would you do to the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen?
You forgot to mention the custody battle that follows the events of the song. LOL!
I loved Heart, but I always hated this song. I always felt bad for the guy. I hope he got sole custody.
Alyssa
LOL, Angie!
Re painting, I LOVE painting inside the house! I know, it’s sick, but I find it so calming. On my “fun” list for this summer is more painting. We moved into this house last year and the entire house was white inside so that means the entire house has to be painted…… I can’t live with white walls!
Oh no, Angie’s analyzing 80s lyrics. MORE! MORE!!
Ohhh that is some awesome snark, there. I remember finally realizing what the lyrics said and thinking “What, she’s in love with another man? What the hell?” Glad it wasn’t just me that had a WTF moment.
This is fantastic! OMG…I think I just wee’d my pants…btw I love the new look for your blog babe! Way cool! Hugs, Sammie and if I get in trouble for the summation it’s all your fault. It’s posted now…Lord help me!!!
Sammie
Thanks guys! I promise- it was the paint fumes. I’m fairly sure I’d have to stick my head in a paint can to get any type of repeat experience.
Alyssa- I always wondered what happened after the song ends. So does this mean you hate secret baby books?
Michelle- I think this was an isolated incident for now
It wasn’t something I planned, it just kind of popped out.
Suzanne- would you like to come help? I can’t pay you but I can offer baby snuggles LOL! And none of our walls will be white when we’re done.
Angie – first time to visit your blog and I laughed so hard.
I used to sing this song AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS in the car. You had me rolling. And it’s funny how a man doing everything right is taking out th garbage!
I’ll be painting this week, too. One wall – yellow!
That was hilarious Angie!!!
It’s safe to say I do not like secret baby books. LOL! The reason I don’t like them varies with each story. In this particular instance, though, it makes me mad that she uses the guy.
Alyssa
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahaha*wheeeeeeze*
Omg, Angie! Thanks for the laugh!
Jaci
Wonderful! You can interpret songs for me anytime.
Now, how to I get that song out of my head without running an awl into my ear?
I find that singing “The Joker” by Steve Miller Band usually clears any and all earworms from my head.
I’ve always hated the woman in this song. I mean a really lot!