I know its so cliche to say I know how you are feeling, but it’s so very true. I had a job that I loved, heart and soul and after 4 years of pouring my very being into it, they laid me off. To say I was heartbroken does not quite explain it. It took me almost 2 years to get over the loss, 2 years to not feel a stab of pain when I drove by the street the company was on, or heard about anything that had to do with it.

Afterward I tried to look on the brightside. I got to stay home with my kids, got to read , sleep in…get dinner ready early. But something in me broke a bit when I lost that job. Looking for a new job, doing the same thing left a bad taste in my mouth. Finally one came along but my heart was not in it. It became a chore to go to work. My only saving grace was that I got to go home and write, which I soon began to look at as my full time job. My day job was just something that was nessessary for the paycheck. Then needless to say, after a year and half, I was laid off again.

So here I sit, an unemployeed, unpublished writer. This time is much easier. There is none of the ill feelings or hurt associated with that first job. I wasn’t all that crazy about this last job and really was kind of relieved. I have all this time to write now, and yet again, I was able to spend some of the summer with my boys. Small pleasures. But now I face a bigger problem than I did with the original layoff. I have about a year to reinvent myself. I do not want to get back into what I was doing, which is all I have ever done since I stumbled into it at 18 yrs old. The question is what. I still haven’t figured it out. Of course it would be nice to become a published author, I have no illusions to the difficulty in it. Regardless, I strive for it, but I know that even if it did happen, I still would need a day job.

So I understand the bitter feelings, the stab of pain when thinking it all over. It’s not your fault they closed down, just as it wasn’t mine that they were cutting staff, still the feelings linger. You can’t beat yourself up for making a wrong choice when you mulled over the choice to thoroughly. You did what you felt was best. Fate just had different plans. Still, it stings, badly. It may take longer than you think for those feelings to go away, but when they do, you will be able to breath normally again and I promise you, it will happen.

I know I told you this, as I was one of the many that passed on my regards when this happened, but everything does happen for a reason. There is something else waiting for you although you might not know what it is right away. For me, I feel like the universe or God or what ever you believe in is trying to tell me that I don’t belong in accounting. The moment I got comfortable in it, I was tossed out, and then again, so I definitely feel like I’m being guided toward something else. What, don’t know. But I have to have faith and explore my options.

You have an amazing job, one that I am green with envy over. Its an wonderful gift to be able to do what you do. You may not really think so but your work is completely unattainable from my view. So when you start to feel down, remember who you are, and what you do and know that there is a plan for you. Have faith. Remember to breathe. Your next opportunity is right around the corner.

Be well.

Ginger

I met you briefly at the RT Convention and let me tell you, you changed our perspectives on e-pub. I really think that 10 years from now, you will be someone that people in the industry look back and say “She was a key person in the e-pub movement.” I really look up to you and I think that you will do great wherever you go to next.

I’m also sorry about all the negativity. Unfortunately, there are some people who spin massive webs full of conspiracies where there are none. All you can do is know that you made the best choice for yourself and your family with the information you had.

Julie