With my new daughter that is.
Recently, on the baby board that I frequent, one of the moms posted a snippet from an article she’d read that stated “64% of moms said they love their babies more than their husbands.” This, of course, prompted a discussion of whether the new moms (we all had babies in either September or October) loved baby or hubby more. The majority responded that they loved them differently. Not more but differently.
If I’m being honest (which I generally try to be), I too love Josh and Brianna differently, but right now, I love Brianna with an intensity that cannot be matched.
I think I’m in the throes of a new love affair, where are all of the ‘firsts’ bring a rush of adrenaline filled emotion that swells my heart and makes me giddy. Some people are never happy in a committed relationship because they expect to feel that intense, “I’d die without you” type of love all the time, not realizing that intimate love has its valleys and hills, sometimes reaching new peaks, sometimes plateauing and feeling easy. These people thrive on the passionate thrill of the first date, the first kiss, the first exchange of “I love yous” and expect every day in their relationship to be such an experience.
That’s what being in love with my new daughter is like. Like a relationship filled with firsts and the terror of the thought of losing this new love. Every day is something shiny new and wonderful. Yesterday it was the joy of watching as she suddenly realized she has feet. Today it was her new trick of sticking out her tongue. Tomorrow…who knows what tomorrow will bring but that’s the fabulous thing about new love. Discovering each other and bonding moments.
Will I always feel such a heart-wrenching, consuming, feeling like I’ve been hit by a tidal wave love? Well, that’s a question I can’t answer, not ever having been a parent before, but I expect this love, like all new loves, will mellow as it ages and become more constant, with intense moments of re-discovery and growth.
In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy experiencing the enthralling joys of new love…with my daughter, who is the most enchanting, precious, and fascinating thing in my life right now.