Well, in the way of things, my nipples have been on my mind a lot lately. The other day in a chat with some of my fellow October mommys, a few of the mom’s who still breastfeed got to talking about their nipples and how OFF-LIMITS they are to their husbands. It seems that more than one husband has questioned when he’d be allowed back in “Nippleland” and my husband is no different.

The other day Josh came up behind me and kind of pinched my nipples playfully. Hi. Color me not amused, not turned on, and feeling a little irritated. He had no idea he did anything wrong but it’s hard to explain how…err…well used my nipples feel right now 😉

It’s been quite a struggle getting him to understand how NON-erogenous this zone has become. I have an almost 9 month old baby who’s hanging on my nipples for what feels like the whole day. There isn’t anything he could do to my nipples at this point that she’s not already doing. Sucking? Check. Twiddling? Check. Pulling? Check. Biting? Check and damn that hurts when it’s not done in the ‘heat of the moment.’ My nipples take all the abuse and attention they can during the day. After hours? They’re off-limits. This has been particularly hard for both of us because Before Brianna, they were a source of quite a bit of fun and pleasure for the two of us.

In fact, when I think on it, they’ve become quite a source of fun and pleasure for Brianna. She treats my nipples like her own personal playground. Recently, she has started to attempt headstands while nursing. For those who are trying to visualize this, it goes something like this:

We start out in the normal nursing position, but my daughter, being an active 9 month old, starts waving her leg in the air and playing with her toes. Then, while still latched, she twists her body around until she is face down, appearing to be attempting death by titty suffucation (I know some guys who don’t think that would be such a bad way to go). She leans forward until her weight is resting on her head (keep in mind, she’s still nursing) and then she straightens her legs, creating a little tripod from her body. She then proceeds to bounce her knees and nurse. It’s quite a spectacle, I’m sure. Yesterday she was performing this personal version of a Cirque du Soleil stunt when she grabbed my nipple and pulled away. Well, as she found out, when you pinch and pull a nipple that has experienced milk “let down” it acts as any udder would and squirts you in the eye. LMAO! This caused her to stand straight up in my lap- still pulling the nipple- and create a stream of milk squirting straight into the air with her wide-eyed and with milk dripping from her face. I’m sure we were a sight to behold (Josh seemed to think so as he was fortunated to be witness to this little comedy routine).

So, for awhile yet, “Nippleland” is closed and won’t re-open until the nursing season is over! I just have to keep reminding my husband that these are the baby’s toys, at least for now!

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