Something different, compliments of my husband, from a website called Freddy and Eddy, who are a married couple who review all things sexual. They even have a message board, which I didn’t know until my husband sent me this post, from a thread on the message board. Knowing they have a message board might be a dangerous thing for me. I adore message boards and I’ve never seen a sex related one before. But I digress.

For whatever reason, even though I read, edit and thoroughly enjoy erotic romance, porn movies have never appealed to me. Josh , though I’m sure his motives weren’t entirely altruistic, has gotten a variety of different videos “with plot” in an attempt to find something that I might enjoy. Instead of plot making it “better” it seems to detract from my enjoyment even more. I find myself “editing” the movie for pacing (of the how the storyline moves along), repetitiveness (how often do we see the same sex act, the same basic set up, etc) and duh, I laugh at some of the talking during the sex scenes. In other words, my poor husband’s attempt at pleasing me, lolol, didn’t go quite as he expected, due mostly to my own sabatoge, I suspect.

So I thought it was very interesting when he sent me this, quoted from a post made by Freddy on the Freddy and Eddy message board. Something to think about, anyhow! WARNING **graphic language ahead!**

Here’s the set-up: a poster was asking about good porn to watch; something with good sex, but good plot as well. Someone responded:

Good luck finding decent adult films for your wife! We have tried Island Fever 1 & 2, Caribbean Undercover, Secrets and Outlaw Ladies (from the 80’s) and I am like blah..yawn.. I don’t know what I am looking for but haven’t seen it yet.

And it is that comment that Freddy is responding to in this thread.

Before I get to my point, I’d like to say “Spacenuts” is on the way from Wicked and we can’t wait to see it; we’ve heard lots of great things.

Now, I do understand Sassy’s dilemma and can relate; remember, my wife and I have watched HUNDREDS, if not THOUSANDS of adult movies and most have given us the same negative reaction.

Until…

We stopped holding so many ridiculous expectations on these things! Think about it; we ask that production companies pour lots of money into making adult films we want to see and THEN we bitch and complain that they don’t “do it” for us. Bah humbug on Island Fever 2? Are you kidding? Hot couples in beautiful island locations doing the nasty to pleasant music? Fuck yeah. That French film with the dildo? You mean the one with performers who haven’t shaved in their entire lives, look like ‘regular’ people, and can’t speak any English? Puh-LEEZE!

I say this not to denigrate anyone’s taste in adult movies, but to point out how hard it is to make one that’ll please enough people to make any money, especially in our demographic. This entails almost the impossible; that is, make a title that turns on both sexes who approach watching this stuff in completely different ways. Most guys just want to see hardcore fucking, so we put up with plot and scenery in the hopes our partners (wives) will take the trip with us and not run from said hardcore fucking. It’s a balancing act that I don’t envy, yet the industry continues to try to make titles that might accomplish this mission.

With ‘gonzo’ porn, at least the audience is there – males who just want to see young girls fucked every which way from Sunday with no plot or lame dialogue – but most women head for the hills after the first two minutes of the Barely Legal or Flesh Hunter series, while men sit bored through the slow motion and over saturated fare from Andrew Blake. “Catherine” and “Fashionistas,” which are two of the most amazing sex movies ever produced are beaten down for being too rough and aggressive. If they weren’t rough and aggressive everyone would blast them for being too “feminine” or “boring.” No wonder no one wants to put serious money into these things.

So we’ve just decided to do away with ANY expectations and enjoy EVERY adult movie, no matter how lame, low-budget, slow, nasty, or awfully acted it may be. It’s all about frame of mind, people! Don’t put in that DVD and wait for it to “do” something for you; put on the lingerie, light the candles, and put it on as background. Don’t like the dialogue? Turn the fucking sound down! Don’t like the first scene? Fast forward to the second one! Or the third! Better yet, leave it on and make a game of it. Try to emulate the impossible positions you see them twisting themselves into; hit the mute button and substitute your own dialogue like a bad kung fu movie; heck, switch your stereo’s sound source to your favorite FM station and use the video as a backdrop while you dive into 69.

In other words, your porn experience is up to YOU, not the PORN! Remember why we used to go to drive-in movies? Was it to see the movie? Hell no! It was to cop a feel, dangit. Porn is just there to set your mood. Think of it as a nice vehicle to get you thinking about sex; after all, the conditions are there, right? The kid is down for bed, you’ve got all your safety “triggers” set for privacy, and your bottle of lube is close at hand. So relax, take the pressure off, and enjoy your porn and integrate it into YOUR experience, no matter HOW much you disagree on its individual merits. Remember, it’s not responsible for getting the two of you sex’d up – that responsibility rests on YOU.

As a side note, Freddy and Eddy have a fun site, very informative and a place to find reviews of everything from lube and sex toys to new positions to movies and erotica. Maybe I should send them a few of Samhain’s sexier books *grin*

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