Perhaps the most unwise purchase of my parenting “career” to date.

Behold! The Pooh Singing Toothbrush Holder. Don’t be fooled by its innocent appearance. It is pure evil, my friends. Pure evil. Found at Target one Sunday for a mere $4. Brianna was enchanted and I thought, for $4, sure, why not? Why not? WHY NOT? Let me tell you why not. Because said toothbrush holder has no off switch and no volume control. And is so sensitive, that closing the bathroom door (which is across the room from the damn holder) has the ability to set it off. So you get to listen to TWO minutes of “Winnie the Pooh”. I should have known before we ever left Target to somehow dump this thing back on the shelves because it spent 30 minutes in my cart going non-stop. And then in the back of my truck all. the. way. home.

Never has Brianna owned a toy that I more wanted to take out back and put behind one of my truck’s tires. I can hear it now. Crunch! “Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh, cuddly little–” Crunch! Crunch! “bear all st–” Crunch! Crunch! “with flu–” Crunch! Crunch! Dammit Crunch! “–uff is Winnie the Pooh.” Yep, it would be the toy that won’t die. I have that kind of luck.

Consider this my public service announcement for the year. If you encounter one of these evil toys in your local Target or Disney Store, get out while you can! Run! Run for your life! Grab your child(ren) and don’t look back. Do not let them make eye contact for this toy is wily, and will end up on your bathroom counter, driving you, too, to the need for booze and drugs before you know it.

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